WHY MEN SHOULD GIVE ROMANCE NOVELS A TRY
TheRomanceMan Posted on Friday, February 17, 2012 at 05:14PM It has been my first full week with this blog and it has been pretty interesting. I've learned quite a bit about romance books and alot more about people. I have received lots of emails from all different types of people. Most emails were trying to answer the question to Because of You, no one has gotten it yet. Many were from women who said nice things about the site and the books I reviewed and I even received two emails from men, one calling me a faggot and the other calling me a pussy. I also received an email from an active duty Marine who served in Iraq which I will get to later. Anyway, all of this got me thinking about the whole men and romance thing and I think men are missing out on an opportunity to get closer to their wives.
I don't like porn. I watched it when I was younger but it no longer appeals to me. There is something depressing about watching people who have completely sold out. Pretty young girls who think so little of themselves that they think sucking a dick is the best they can do. Maybe it's because I have daughters or maybe because I have gotten older but I can't watch that stuff anymore. Especially considering the deterioration of our culture and the sexualization of girls as young as ten. The whole thing just bothers me. What does that have to do with romance novels you ask? Well, wait a second and I will tell you.
I have been with my wife 17 years, 17 really, really long years and when you're married that long it's easy to let yourself go and take each other for granted. It can also be difficult to maintain a healthy sex life as life is busy and there is always something to be done. Well, when I began reading these novels I realized there was no passion left in my marriage, not that we didn't love each other it just wasn't like it used be, you know when you would sex 3 times a day. Reading these books with Alpha Males and Alpha Females and all the sex and passion and sex and love and sex made me realize I wanted to change. Not become one of the guys in the books, that's impossible, I can't have a 9 inch dick, the doctor told me it isn't possible to add 7 inches to a penis. I am just talking about trying to make myself better for my wife, not just in how I look but in how I act. They are also erotic which I like, unlike porn. And this certainly hasn't hurt our sex life. It's hard to believe but these sometimes cheesy, sometimes sappy, always cliched books have actually helped my marriage.
If your a man reading this and think you couldn't possible like them because they are girl books and it will make you a wuss I can tell you it won't. It also won't make you gay as some of my readers suggested. You know what makes you gay? Sleeping with other men and I hardly ever do that. As a matter of fact it has had the opposite effect on me. It makes me want to be more like the man I was 20 years ago. As a result, I re-joined my rugby team and got back into mixed martial arts and have a new perspective on my age and marriage. Also, thanks to Ruthie Knox my wife and I are buying two bicycles because she wants to ride across the country.
Now, the Marine. He wrote me and told me how his wife likes romance novels and he admitted he reads them as well. The interesting thing is how it came about. When he was home and and they were in bed at night he would be watching TV while his wife read. He was tired so he turned off the TV and tried to sleep, a few minutes later his wife started reading to him but she would only read the sex scenes. I don't need to tell you what that lead to but I thought it was pretty brilliant on his wife's part. And you know what he started to do? He started buying his wife the trashiest books he could find. I thought that was a great idea and my wife has started doing that as well and it's pretty fuckin' hot. Look, these books aren't Pride and Prejudice but I can tell that reading them with your spouse can be fun, sometimes really fun, twice. So man up and give it a try, you may be surprised.
Interestingly the Marine signed his name and the other two guys didn't. So to the two guys who called me a faggot and a pussy answer me this. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DICKHEADS CLICK ON A WEBSITE CALLED THE ROMANCE MAN? You may want to ask your therapist.
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Reader Comments (17)
I Loved your blog.
I LOOOOve my husband. I was so fortunate that we were best buds first before we got married. I can usually get him to go along with anything as long as 1. it won't get him arrested or 2. get him killed. So he has been along to book signings, luncheons and to neat old cities so I can checkout old bookstores while he will take off with the kids to checkout the sites. He isn't a big reader of anything except his hunting magazines but if I have a really good romance novel and want him to read it. He is all for it. And even comes back with imput. "I hope you weren't suggesting by having me to read this book that I get PIERCED DOWN THERE because It ain't happening." LOL! He is also cool because he will pop up and buy me Amazon Cards just because.
If I had known back before I was married that some guy was reading "Romance Novels". I would definitely have been checking him out because well what can I say "KNOWLEDGE IS POWER". ;)
Great post and thank you for reading. Sounds like your husband is a pretty cool guy. The secret is to try and take an interest in your spouses hobbies just to show you care. Plus you never know where it might lead. I never thought I would be Romance Man. Try reading the sex scenes to him in bed, I'll tell you, it's pretty hot when my wife does it.
Your wife is not only very lucky, but extremely smart. Must give that a try. Although with his lack of hearing in bed once the hearing aids are out, I'm not sure how much good it would do. LOL
Obviously, the two that called you a faggot and a pussy weren't ever marines either. They would have done it AND signed their names!
I came this blog via Jessica Scott's facebook link ... I think it's a brilliant idea. I've said for years that more men should read romance. It's like a guide book, right there, for just a few bucks: what women think is romantic, what we think is sexy, what we want in bed. (And, no, the big ... ah, package ... is not necessary, but how a man behaves in and out of bed is important.)
Kudos to you for starting up a blog and offering a man's perspective!
Thanks EV, just read really loud.
Emily, you're right. I have had more fun with my wife with a $2 e-book than a fancy dinner or night out. It is amazing to me how silly little books could have such an effect on my marriage. I've have been with my wife 17 years and never knew some of the things I've recently learned about what she likes, what she thinks is sexy, etc. Thanks for reading.
Love your post, and what's really cool is that I had no idea how many of my readers were sharing the juicy tidbits from my uber-erotic paranormal romances with their husbands. And now, a lot of those husbands are reading the books and actually sending me thank you notes. It certainly wasn't my intent when I started writing Wolf Tales that my books would become a standard part of foreplay in a lot of households, but it appears the women want their guys reading and maybe even learning a bit. And the guys like the fact that by the time they get down to things, their women are in the mood. :-) Of course, that puts a lot of pressure on authors--ya gotta keep it fresh and keep raising the bar.
Well keep writing Kate. I will have to check out one of your books. But you're right, if you read these books together it can lead to some fun stuff. Thanks for reading.
Funny, my husband teases me about the books I read though I don't hear him complaining when I try a few things on him. Sadly, I still can't get him to read any of them. He probably thinks he's "too tough" for these things. I may have to try the reading aloud in bed.
I think people are under the impression that romance novels are really cheesy stories with covers of some 19th century damsel in a half undone puffy dress wrapped in an anaconda embrace with some really buff, hot guy. Those books do exist, but there are so many great stories with a fantastic plot behind them. A romance novel is what lots of guy movies would be in book form. Terminator had a hot scene in it. Conan the Barbarian and Troy had a smoldering sex scene. So really, what's the difference? If it matters so much to a guy, slip a fake cover on the book.
I agree Michelee, that's what suprised me the most about these books is that they aren't just good romance books, they're good books and they are enternaining with or without sex. And he's not too tough to read these. As a matter of fact they will make him want to feel even better about himself, that's what they did to me. My suggestion. Pick two books you think he will like and ask him to read them and tell him when he's done you will give him whatever he wants. Once he reads them and sees how it turns him and you on he won't stop. Thanks for reading.
I have been reading and writing romance novels for years (I only recently moved into the thriller genre), and I have been hiding my romance addiction from my husband. It isn't that I am ashamed as much as the fact that my husband is a prude. Our sex life is fine, but I do think the romance of our marriage could use a little heating up. I haven't gone so far as to ask him to read them with me (that would turn him into a stuttering fool), but I think I might ask him to start small and modest...like the thin regency romances Harlequin puts out. Those are more about the chase than the sex on the chaise.
Congrats on this blog. I heartily enjoyed reading it. I look forward to your adventures in romance.
Dear Mr. RomanceMan,
It's been a while since a blog made me laugh hard enough to want to share it with the world. Bravo on taking your relationship to the level it deserves, and bravo for starting this blog and calling people out for the dicks that they are. Having been in this industry long enough (as a romance writer) I find that most of the people who bash romance novels have actually never read one. Part of it, too, is taht I find most guys aren't as comfortable with sex as they want us to believe. Have you ever read a romance novel to a room full of men? I have. heh. And let me tell you, you guys squirm like a bunch of teenage boys in need of mommy. Which means...men really need to read it more, lol. Thanks again for giving birth to a blog that is long overdue!!!
I have often thought that if men read more romance novels then we women might not be as discontent in our relationships. I've never understood why men will watch porn religiously yet freak out at the suggestion that they pick up a romance novel and read. Is it because porn is just detached sex and romance novels have passion, emotion and sex?
Anyway, your thoughts on romance novels are spot on and I'd also like to point out that women who read them are NOT lonely, desperate or in need of a man. Sometimes we read them to get AWAY from the realities of men. Unless, of course, we are fortunate enough to find an open minded, well read man who enjoys reading them and perhaps even reenacting some of them with their wife or girlfriend.
Aw, this is a sweet post. I don't care if men read romance or not, I'm kind of indifferent about it. I just love to hear about romance having a positive effect on a relationship. I've often heard women say that men should read romance to get a clue. Yeah, okay, but I've found that communicating with my husband about what I like and want works fine also.
Love your blog..
Have you tried any Kristen Ashley books yet, RM? She is a wicked cool storyteller and her stories literally make me want to be a better person and the best wife that I can be.
Brilliant! Loved your article and as a romance reader myself, I feel it also help to bring the spark back into my marriage. I loved your response to those haters... To that marine serving his country and taking care of his wife - way to go :)
Guys, don't laugh about what the romance books, specifically the erotic ones now coming out, can do for a love life (the old bodice rippers these ain't). Some of the people writing these books know how to write hot erotic fiction and it isn't what was out there even 10 years ago. Read some of the books by people like Laura Lee or Linda Howard to see what I mean. I held the same views about romance novels after reading the tripe that people like Barbara Taylor Bradford put out or the ones that had Fabio on the cover, these are worlds away from that. Put it this way, it seems like a lot of wives out there who read this stuff are more then eager to try out what they read, at least if my own is any example:)
Oh, and yes, many of these are captivating books in their own right. If you want a nail biter that is incredibly well written, try "At Peace" by Ashley Kristen (her book 'Sweet Dreams" is also a good one if different). One of the things that gets me about Ashley is her male characters are a little bit more like the men I know. Most romance novels have these guys who can have sex all night long and not flag, they are always so honorable, so perfect, and we men aren't any more then women are. More importantly, in many of these books when the loved one of the male main character is threatened, they show all kind of restraint when a male whose loved one is threatened is not just going to turn them over to the cops or whatever, if they catch someone they are going to kick the crap out of them (if you want to see male characters like that, look up the 'virgin river' series By Robyn Carr, they are well written but the men, who are all these virile ex military and cop types who are suprisingly milk toast).....the writers I mention seem to have actually run into real members of the male species in other words *lol*.